In Memory of Sofija Marianna
Lovingly Written by Sofija's Father and mother
It is with great sadness that Ivars and Laura announce the homebirth stillbirth of our sweet Sofija Marianna. She was born still on Sunday July 1st, 2007 at 6:01 a.m. a full frank breach. She weighed 5 lbs. She passed away in utero on June 24th, 2007.
When we learned her heartbeat had stopped, we chose to go home and have our beautiful planned homebirth. We were supported by our two wonderful midwives, Laura's two sisters, a lovely homebirth momma who provided Laura with lots of acupuncture and another lovely homebirth momma who gave Laura a wonderful full body massage. With the help of these wonderful women, Ivars, herbs, homeopathy, lots of castor oil, and prayer, Laura was able to give Sofija the peaceful homebirth she deserved.
Sofija was born into the loving arms of her midwives. Mommy and Daddy held her and cuddled her. We took many pictures, printed her feet and hands, cried together, talked to her and said goodbye. In the week leading up to her birth, Ivars and I had time to talk, process, grieve and love one another through the process. Our midwives were here with us and provided the ultimate support and love. These things would have not been possible in a cold, sterile hospital.
Sofija's homebirth stillbirth has been a sad but wonderful journey. Her birth has opened the eyes of many people and has helped many to come to terms with the loss of their own sweet babies. Death is part of life yet our society tries to avoid it at any cost. We followed all the safety protocols, taking Laura's temperature, drawing bloodwork to make sure she was clotting properly and there were no signs of infection. Being at home also kept Laura from being exposed to all the germs that are so easy to pick up at the hospital. Her physical recovery has been fast and easy and her body is quickly recovering with lots of rest, nourishing food, drink and the company of loved ones.
In the days, weeks, months and years to come, we will remember Sofija and her birth. No other child we have or will have in the future will ever replace her. She is our sweet angel and we were so blessed to have had her for 34 weeks and 2 days. While she was alive, she moved and kicked and hiccuped. The other children talked to her, hugged my belly, came to my midwife appointments, heard her heartbeat, saw her in 3d/4d ultrasound and will always miss their little sister.
Below is a link to the pictures we took after Sofija's birth. If the thought of viewing a stillborn baby upsets you, you do not need to look. However, if you want to see her, realize that she had been still for a week. She had some skin peeling and in the later pictures her condition was deteriorating. She looks like a baby in all of them. The second album at the bottom are when she was first born and she is in the best condition but Laura is not dressed so they should be considered graphic.
Click here to see album The password is : sofija
When we first found out about this pregnancy, we announced it with a poem Laura wrote. Yesterday, Laura thought it would be fitting to chronicle our pregnancy and stillbirth homebirth with another poem. We have included it below. We hope that as you read it, you see what an impact this has had on our lives. If you know of any other families who have gone through this and need to talk, feel free to share our story and/or have them contact Laura by email. If you want, feel free to email us and ask us questions or share your own story.
I feel a strange weight
I spend the day waiting to feel
Our sweet baby
I am destined
I push with all my might
I do not want to let you go
You come at dawn
We hold you
I smile at your beauty
My body aches
We will miss you forever
God, in His wisdom
In the days
You may not have walked this earth
Laura & Ivars